Bark like a dog

All roads lead to ....

 

Jester and Baroness: I love the less pretentious type bars/pubs that dot the PE landscape and believe me there are a good number of them in the Friendly city. It’s here you get to see society “warts and all” as well as meet  the interesting characters from all walks of life that make up the culture of a  suburb, village, town, city or country.

The Barking Gecko at the corner of Somerset and Stanley streets in Richmond Hill is one such establishment; it ticks most of the boxes in my criteria for a watering hole

1)    Looks a little run down.

2)    Drinks are reasonably priced,

3)    A barman that remembers your drink and is attentive, without getting on your tits.

4)    Has a history.

5)    Has an eccentric owner.

6)    Have even weirder customers.  

7)    You feel at home.

8)    Bar décor or lack thereof

9)    There is a certain smell about the place

10) Total disregard for smoking laws

11) Has an eccentric owner/s

12) Have even weirder customers. 

13) General cleanliness or lack thereof

 

Having walked past the B G few times on the way to SALT or Café Rouge.  I have to admit even I was a bit wary as to wanting to put my foot over the threshold and savour the delights that the B G has to offer. But curiosity eventually got the better of us and one evening on the way back to the car after a night savouring the delights of Stanley Street (or the strip to locals), the Baroness and I decided to throw caution to the wind and give it a go, besides we had the police, emergency services as well as a couple of large friends on speed dial, just in case things went awry. In the end we had a great time and the B G has become one of our, “ok my” favourite watering holes in the city.  

The owner is Steve, a throwback from the hippy era and the evening that we walked in he greeted us like long lost mates and made us feel right at home and has done so ever since. Steve bought the pub about 12 years ago after selling a successful business in Gauteng and has been a fixture in Richmond hill ever since. The pub had been owned prior to Steve for 3 months by another gent who due to circumstances that we shall not go into here, had to sell. I also managed to find out that prior to the premises becoming a bar it was a general store owned for many years by a Chinese family. From what I can gather the only major transformation that the bar has seen since Steve bought it was to change the position of the bar counter.

The BG has a loyal customer base with many having frequented the pub since it opened its doors and see Steve as an urban legend.  2 constant regulars at the bar who are always chirping the customers are “Bugsy “and “No name”, 2 budgies who take pride of place on the bar counter and seem to be impervious to the smoke that on a busy evening seems to hang over the pub like the smog over London during the industrial revolution (yes it’s an old fashioned smokers pub, despite what the signs say). Bugsy was bought for the pub but No Name just rocked up at the front door one day, “probably looking for a beer and a bird” and has stayed ever since.    

Over the last while Steve has had a few medical issues that have in no way dampened his enthusiasm to run the pub and meet his customers and to be honest I don’t know of any other pub owner that actually live, eats and sleeps in in the pub due to him not being able to get to his flat above the B G. Far from being “weird” that the owner is camping out in the corner of his pub it actually feels natural and his regulars seem to take great pride in the fact that the owner of their local, even though not at 100% percent fitness has decided that he will recuperate in the pub and not at home.

So are you asking yourself the question “WTF is a barking Gecko”?  “Well don’t feel alone cause that’s probably the first question I asked after being served my beer and looking around the establishment to get my bearings.  There is in fact such a gogga as a Barking Gecko and as can be expected various sizes and types of geckos adorn the walls, “I think there are 13, 15 or 28 but I am actually not sure, numbers seems to vary according to how much alcohol on has consumed, “as they seem to breed and move”. 

Underwoodisaurus milii is a species of Gekkonidae also classified as Nephrurus milii. It is commonly known as the thick-tailed or barking gecko. These names come from its distinctive plump tail and sharp, barking defensive call. They are found in southern regions of Australia. So there u have it not only do you get a review on a local watering hole but you also get a herpetology lesson.

There is no live entertainment “music wise” offered in the pub………… unless you include Classic hits VH1 playing on the TV, as it’s probably a tad small and while Phase 8 pub in Lorraine boasts that it’s the smallest pub in PE, I think that the B G gives it a run for its money and come to think of it the Barmy Army pub on Rink street in Central as well as Mini Vegas on Cape Road could possibly  be smaller than both B G and Phase 8, but I will need to take my measuring tape to prove the point……………… “Watch this space” 

 A negative for me at the B G, but then again I don’t like seeing them at any pub I go to are the gaming machines that to many pubs seem to feel adds value to the drinking experience as well as revenue to the bottom line. The Gecko is also not the place to visit if you’re looking for a sports bar as while they do show the Boks or Protea’s playing as well as other important sporting events it’s not a “sports bar” in fact the only Sporting memorabilia on the walls is Liverpool of which Steve is a big fan, thankfully he is not a Man U fan, probably another reason I like Steve.

Here is an useless piece of Trivia that could be useful on a Who wants to be a millionaire, The weakest Link or the Afrikaans version “Fok of jys Dof” game evening with family and friends. In the 1980’s there was a band called the Barking Gecko’s it was a loose affiliation of musicians that were based in Kansas (The USA) and played the music of Richard Bain, if you have insomnia or really want to annoy your partner watch the 1 hour and 22 minute clip on You Tube.  

The B G’s entertainment  value for the Baroness and I comes in the form of its owner as well as its regulars and on a busy weekend or weekday evening the coming and goings of the locals is entertainment enough. From political discussions to Walter Mitty type characters that seem to float in and out of the bar at regular intervals, what they all seem to have in common however is that they make you feel at home and not like an intruder. One regular for instance is not allowed to drink tequila as it tends to make him “unpredictable”, another the Baroness and I have dubbed M-net, because after a few drinks you need a decoder to understand what he is saying and he gets so loud that he gets three warnings from the bar staff to keep quiet, if not he is given the red card and sent home. Steve himself one new year’s eve used an air rifle to shoot the glasses out of customers hands, like I said , “my kind of bar”.       

The staff of the Gecko  “don’t take kak” but are down to earth efficient and friendly, so if you’re looking for airs and graces then the B G is not you’re pub. Shane is a barman at the B G and while he may not remember your name the first couple of visits, he sure as shit will remember your drink, this was demonstrated after we popped in for a drink on the way home one afternoon and as we walked in Shane said “hi its 2 single Jack Daniels with ice and water and a cider, sorry can’t remember what the cider was but it’s definitely a cider”………………….. The Baroness and I had forgotten that a week before we had popped in one night with a work colleague and she had drank a Savannah, “pretty impressive stuff”

Another plus of the B G for me is that Steve has not given into those that feel he should give the B G a makeover to get it in line with some of the fancier, but in my mind less entertaining establishments in Richmond Hill and on Stanley Street in particular. Now for guys, toilet facilities in a pub probably rate low on the scale of 1-10 as we just have to have somewhere to stand, for the gender of the female persuasion however it’s a bit higher on the scale as obviously their needs are different, while the Gecko may not have the best toilets I have seen, they definitely are not the worst and from a ladies perspective the Baroness rates them 3 out of 10, which the Baroness says is very generous…………  “Just wait till the Scribe sees them”.

With regards food, there is a pub menu that offers the normal pub fare at ridiculous prices, you can get a burger and chips for R20 a toasted cheese and tomato for R10 and they also do baskets at R25. I know what you’re thinking because the same thought crossed my mind; “Do they know its 2015”. I mean when was the last time you saw a toasted sandwich being sold for R10.00?  The only drawback in my mind is that you can only order food from 10am to 5pm. So if you’re out later at night and you feel a bit peckish then you have to find food somewhere else, having not eaten at the B G,  I can’t tell if it’s in fact any good but the regulars seem to agree that its great value for money..

So next time you go to Richmond Hill for a night out or you’re feeling adventurous and looking for a new venue to have a couple of drinks at, do yourself a favour and pay the B G a visit, savour the ambiance, have a cold one and say hi to Steve and Shane, and who knows you may even bump into the Baroness and I and if you’re really lucky you will get to see M-net in action.  Oh and ask Shane to make you a Gecko baby, its lekker.  

On a scale of 1-10 on the Tequila Spidermen's scale of Lekkerness we give the Barking Gecko an 8.5