Becoming a local

Baroness/ The Jester: If you had told me a month or so back that the Baroness would be seen getting her groove on at a local pub called Billricks (situated on Kragga Kamma road), especially after saying she would not be seen dead in there, I would not have believed you, but on Friday night I learnt that “Never” is not always a very a long time.

About 6 weeks ago the Baroness  and I went for a drink, “you notice I said a” at the Dizzy Dolphin in Seaview and some 12 hours later we found ourselves hesitantly  entering the back door of Billricks. The evening in question we were met by the not so sultry tones of a Meatloaf wannabe who would have scared the “bat out of hell” It was Karaoke  evening at Billricks and those that didn’t even make the queue for idols auditions where out in force. Apparently karaoke means  “empty Orchestra” in Japanese but if I think it actually means “Bad singer” as I have yet to hear someone sing at one of these evenings that I could even say “ok that was not half bad” 

On that evening in question we found a couple of bar stools and tried to blend into the background in the hopes that no one would see us and hand us a microphone. The Baroness did try to get me to give it a go, but even liquored up I know my limitations. We had a couple of jacks on the rocks and discreetly left, but if truth be told I was very close to grabbing the mike and belting out ‘Great balls of fire”

Last Friday evening the Baroness was in a party mood so we decided to go and have a couple of drinks and just to show you how in sync the Baroness and I are, as we pulled out the complex we both said why don’t we go to Billricks. This time around we were prepared for what lay ahead. Or we thought we were.

Friday nights at Billricks is Craig Mischief night, now if you have never seen him in action before   be warned to say Craig Mischief is crude is like saying that Adolf Hitler was not very fond of non-Arians   Apparently Craig has been a round PE for a good number of years and I heard a rumour that he had been on a TV show in the late 70’s/early 80’s called Biltong and Pot roast, this basically put a team of Poms and Sefrican comedians competing against each.  Craig sings some numbers, tells rude jokes, insults the crowd and does a couple of skits where he sings and dresses up as famous singers. While probably frowned upon by some the disguise he had for Al Jolson had me doubled up with laughter…………To be honest the background music for his singing (which is not to bad) is way too loud for the size of the venue and the Baroness and I made the mistake of siting right next to a rather large speaker and I think at one stage our ears actually started to bleed.

The pub is the home of Exodus Motorcycle Club who so in effect Billricks is a biker bar, but apart from a lone biker who did not take my “Speed kills so live forever and ride a Kawasaki” comment well. That evening apart from the upset Kawa rider and myself I don’t think there were any other bikers present. The winged skull stencil that adorns the walls in strategic places is the only biker paraphernalia that I could see is visible at Billricks.

I was intrigued as to how the pub got its name and it would seem two brothers or friends called Bill and Rick purchased the pub about 15 years ago, hence the name Billricks. Today it’s owned by only one of the original owners but still retains its original name.

So let’s discuss the important issues about the pub. The drinks prices are reasonable and the beers are cold, the service at the bar is fast enough even when busy. They don’t sell food but the outside patio has a built in braai area so I am assuming they do braais at certain times. The toilets where clean and decent for a pub.

 

 

An important issue in these dark days is; if there is load shedding can the pub still operate, and Billricks has that ability to do so, this obviously is important to keep the beers cold and the Sport on TV,  unfortunately the tills still work so you have to pay for the drinks.

Again a negative for me, but all pubs seem to have them these days and I can only presume that the machines subsidise the bar.  That negative is V slots. I have to admit neither the Baroness or I see the attraction of sitting on a stool while pushing a red button and watching a revolving screen in the hopes of getting lucky and win few R, but then, I guess some people don’t see the attraction of sitting on a bar stool pushing cash across the bar counter every time you receive a new drink and then watching the room revolve as you hope to get lucky. 

Apart from Karaoke on a Wednesday and a Saturday night and Craig Mischief on a Friday they also show  important sports events on a weekend and as most pubs in the Republic of SA they  have the flags of the various rugby unions as well as the Springboks on display, we will probably go and watch a match sometime in the near future. There is plenty of parking for those nights that it attracts the big crowds.

 

I bet your wondering how the Baroness ended up performing the windpomp dance at a bar that she had vowed she would never set foot in? Well we bumped into our next door neighbour who had been there a lot longer than we had and after we bought each other a shooter and had a few drinks I went to go and get another round of drinks and to my astonishment when I turned round here was the Baroness doing the Sakkie Sakkie, Windpomp or as locals call it the Sokkie, which as our neighbour so elegantly described as being combination of ice skating and roller derby.

An invitation for a drink and some music saw us end the evening at the neighbours place with a little champers and the Red hot chilli peppers, but that’s a story for another time.

On the Tequila Spider men scale of lekkerness the Baroness and I give Billricks a 5.5, but this rating may increase, as I have a feeling it may just become our local as it is near our home.   

 

 

 

Monkey see, monkey do

The Jester/Baroness: The Baroness and I seem to have a knack for finding Lekker venues to stop at and have a drink. Having dropped of the Baronesses son at a birthday party at Pine Lodge a couple of weeks back, we decided to take a drive up the coast towards Schoemaakers (Shoe makers/a small seaside village just outside of PE).  Approaching Willows resort a few kms from Pine Lodge, a rustic, unassuming yellow building set back from the road caught our eyes, so we decided to pull off and explore, as one does when one is thirsty and it seems that both the Baroness and I have a slight thirst problemJ. To be honest I have over the years living in PE passed this venue many times but as I was probably in a hurry or was with other people who did not want to pull in to the parking area, “I never stopped”.

First impressions of the venue are……………… “Looks interesting” so we tentatively climbed the steps, (I sent in the Baroness first) up to the patio and front door.  For those that read this Blog wanting sophistication and pizazz, let me save you some time. “This venue is not for you” as it’s the complete opposite……………. “No Frills /No Fuss” 

This is “Munkee Bizniz” pub and grub and as the sign on the wall says prior to you entering the venue………………… An otherwise “eatery and drinkery”, while the front porch area may not look that inviting and perhaps like us you feel a little trepidation entering an establishment for the first time, don’t stress, the welcome was cordial enough and while there are tables inside to eat at, as well as the fair size pub if you like propping up the bar, it’s at the back of Monkee Bizniz that caught our eye and it’s here that I am sure we will make ourselves at home when the team does a  full review. 

You can either sit on the back porch near the braai areas or saunter down to under the trees where there is an assortment of weathered benches and chairs scattered around haphazardly with the focal point being a rather large pit where the bonfires are lit. This is the area that “it all happens” on a weekend, weather permitting of course.

Monkee Bizniz is owned and managed by Odette, Wayne and Tarrah and having only had the venue for the last 9 months or so, they are on a mission to build the place back up to the success of its “hey days”, plans afoot are to have camping available as well as just improve on the ambiance as well as the service levels.  

It’s a pet friendly establishment, with resident pooch “baby girl” quite happy to share her water bowl with other thirsty canines that have their owners bring them for a drink. In fact while we were here we met “the woodcutter” seriously that’s his name and to be honest I think that he was probably an extra in “SAW”. The Woodcutter (who sells wood, just in case you had not worked that one out) has 2, dogs Heidi and Amber who seem to be regulars as well and make themselves quite at home. Amber is prone to climb the large tree out back that is a natural playground for kids and I am sure adults alike especially with the large orange buoy hanging invitingly from one its large branches, and just to make sure it was fun I had a swing on it as well.   

Food is available and while the menu is not extensive I think that it caters for most people needs, both adults and the kids, the hamburgers we were told by Odette are particularly good and offer value for money and from what I can gather the Braai packs are also a good deal.

We ordered prawns (12) and chips, not badly priced at R100 and while not the worst we have eaten, I have to be honest if you sell sea food at the coast then at least make sure what you are selling is “Fresh”, (there really is no excuse to serve frozen seafood), the garlic/lemon/butter sauce was amazing and while the chips were hot and crispy they also came out of a packet. We have probably been spoilt with the amazing  home-made/hand crafted chips that you can get at Cubata’s as well as The Bridge Street Brewery’s “Patas Bravas” who in my  and the Baronesses’ opinion  will take a huge effort to beat. 

As already mentioned, on a weekend evenings a bonfire is lit (weather permitting of course) and braai packs are available, I personally can’t wait to take the all of the team to do a full review on an evening like that as I have a feeling that some “interesting characters” will emerge from the surrounding bush and that the Tequila Spider men will make themselves at home.

All in all the venue is well worth a visit and on a lekker sunny day either parking off out the back under the trees or on the very small front patio area.

 Some positive points for us  regards Monkee Bizniz are

·         Reasonably priced ( Quarts are R22 each) and cold J

·         The service is suitable without being in your face

·         Pet friendly (so I am allowed in)

·         Children friendly (I know for some that this may be a disadvantage)

·         Cigarettes are sold (for those that run out)

·         Relaxed atmosphere

·         Biker friendly

Some negative points

·         Does not sell Millers (but the  reasonably  priced cold Castle Lite made up for that)

·         Use’s frozen seafood.

·         Don’t have sport on full time, so may not be the best place to watch if that’s what your into when you go to a pub. On a plus side though Odette likes Sons of Anarchy and Vikings, so if your into those series and have missed a couple I am sure you could persuade her to play for while you have a drink or two.

·         From a ladies perspective the ladies are not the best, come to think of it the gents are also very basic, but generally men are very “rustig” about where they. So if you go to a pub and base them on the toilets, then M B is not for you.

·         Cash only at the moment so make sure you take enough Moolah with you, otherwise you could find yourself selling your body or a body part or having the hassle to go across the road to the Willows resort and draw cash or if they can’t help you drive into while the someone is held hostage until you get back with the cash.

The Monkee Bizniz is definitely on my and The Baronesses, “let’s go again” list and on a scale of 1 to 10 on the TSM barometer of lekkerness,  The Baroness and I give the venue a 6, but this may change with a full review from the team.

Bark like a dog

All roads lead to ....

 

Jester and Baroness: I love the less pretentious type bars/pubs that dot the PE landscape and believe me there are a good number of them in the Friendly city. It’s here you get to see society “warts and all” as well as meet  the interesting characters from all walks of life that make up the culture of a  suburb, village, town, city or country.

The Barking Gecko at the corner of Somerset and Stanley streets in Richmond Hill is one such establishment; it ticks most of the boxes in my criteria for a watering hole

1)    Looks a little run down.

2)    Drinks are reasonably priced,

3)    A barman that remembers your drink and is attentive, without getting on your tits.

4)    Has a history.

5)    Has an eccentric owner.

6)    Have even weirder customers.  

7)    You feel at home.

8)    Bar décor or lack thereof

9)    There is a certain smell about the place

10) Total disregard for smoking laws

11) Has an eccentric owner/s

12) Have even weirder customers. 

13) General cleanliness or lack thereof

 

Having walked past the B G few times on the way to SALT or Café Rouge.  I have to admit even I was a bit wary as to wanting to put my foot over the threshold and savour the delights that the B G has to offer. But curiosity eventually got the better of us and one evening on the way back to the car after a night savouring the delights of Stanley Street (or the strip to locals), the Baroness and I decided to throw caution to the wind and give it a go, besides we had the police, emergency services as well as a couple of large friends on speed dial, just in case things went awry. In the end we had a great time and the B G has become one of our, “ok my” favourite watering holes in the city.  

The owner is Steve, a throwback from the hippy era and the evening that we walked in he greeted us like long lost mates and made us feel right at home and has done so ever since. Steve bought the pub about 12 years ago after selling a successful business in Gauteng and has been a fixture in Richmond hill ever since. The pub had been owned prior to Steve for 3 months by another gent who due to circumstances that we shall not go into here, had to sell. I also managed to find out that prior to the premises becoming a bar it was a general store owned for many years by a Chinese family. From what I can gather the only major transformation that the bar has seen since Steve bought it was to change the position of the bar counter.

The BG has a loyal customer base with many having frequented the pub since it opened its doors and see Steve as an urban legend.  2 constant regulars at the bar who are always chirping the customers are “Bugsy “and “No name”, 2 budgies who take pride of place on the bar counter and seem to be impervious to the smoke that on a busy evening seems to hang over the pub like the smog over London during the industrial revolution (yes it’s an old fashioned smokers pub, despite what the signs say). Bugsy was bought for the pub but No Name just rocked up at the front door one day, “probably looking for a beer and a bird” and has stayed ever since.    

Over the last while Steve has had a few medical issues that have in no way dampened his enthusiasm to run the pub and meet his customers and to be honest I don’t know of any other pub owner that actually live, eats and sleeps in in the pub due to him not being able to get to his flat above the B G. Far from being “weird” that the owner is camping out in the corner of his pub it actually feels natural and his regulars seem to take great pride in the fact that the owner of their local, even though not at 100% percent fitness has decided that he will recuperate in the pub and not at home.

So are you asking yourself the question “WTF is a barking Gecko”?  “Well don’t feel alone cause that’s probably the first question I asked after being served my beer and looking around the establishment to get my bearings.  There is in fact such a gogga as a Barking Gecko and as can be expected various sizes and types of geckos adorn the walls, “I think there are 13, 15 or 28 but I am actually not sure, numbers seems to vary according to how much alcohol on has consumed, “as they seem to breed and move”. 

Underwoodisaurus milii is a species of Gekkonidae also classified as Nephrurus milii. It is commonly known as the thick-tailed or barking gecko. These names come from its distinctive plump tail and sharp, barking defensive call. They are found in southern regions of Australia. So there u have it not only do you get a review on a local watering hole but you also get a herpetology lesson.

There is no live entertainment “music wise” offered in the pub………… unless you include Classic hits VH1 playing on the TV, as it’s probably a tad small and while Phase 8 pub in Lorraine boasts that it’s the smallest pub in PE, I think that the B G gives it a run for its money and come to think of it the Barmy Army pub on Rink street in Central as well as Mini Vegas on Cape Road could possibly  be smaller than both B G and Phase 8, but I will need to take my measuring tape to prove the point……………… “Watch this space” 

 A negative for me at the B G, but then again I don’t like seeing them at any pub I go to are the gaming machines that to many pubs seem to feel adds value to the drinking experience as well as revenue to the bottom line. The Gecko is also not the place to visit if you’re looking for a sports bar as while they do show the Boks or Protea’s playing as well as other important sporting events it’s not a “sports bar” in fact the only Sporting memorabilia on the walls is Liverpool of which Steve is a big fan, thankfully he is not a Man U fan, probably another reason I like Steve.

Here is an useless piece of Trivia that could be useful on a Who wants to be a millionaire, The weakest Link or the Afrikaans version “Fok of jys Dof” game evening with family and friends. In the 1980’s there was a band called the Barking Gecko’s it was a loose affiliation of musicians that were based in Kansas (The USA) and played the music of Richard Bain, if you have insomnia or really want to annoy your partner watch the 1 hour and 22 minute clip on You Tube.  

The B G’s entertainment  value for the Baroness and I comes in the form of its owner as well as its regulars and on a busy weekend or weekday evening the coming and goings of the locals is entertainment enough. From political discussions to Walter Mitty type characters that seem to float in and out of the bar at regular intervals, what they all seem to have in common however is that they make you feel at home and not like an intruder. One regular for instance is not allowed to drink tequila as it tends to make him “unpredictable”, another the Baroness and I have dubbed M-net, because after a few drinks you need a decoder to understand what he is saying and he gets so loud that he gets three warnings from the bar staff to keep quiet, if not he is given the red card and sent home. Steve himself one new year’s eve used an air rifle to shoot the glasses out of customers hands, like I said , “my kind of bar”.       

The staff of the Gecko  “don’t take kak” but are down to earth efficient and friendly, so if you’re looking for airs and graces then the B G is not you’re pub. Shane is a barman at the B G and while he may not remember your name the first couple of visits, he sure as shit will remember your drink, this was demonstrated after we popped in for a drink on the way home one afternoon and as we walked in Shane said “hi its 2 single Jack Daniels with ice and water and a cider, sorry can’t remember what the cider was but it’s definitely a cider”………………….. The Baroness and I had forgotten that a week before we had popped in one night with a work colleague and she had drank a Savannah, “pretty impressive stuff”

Another plus of the B G for me is that Steve has not given into those that feel he should give the B G a makeover to get it in line with some of the fancier, but in my mind less entertaining establishments in Richmond Hill and on Stanley Street in particular. Now for guys, toilet facilities in a pub probably rate low on the scale of 1-10 as we just have to have somewhere to stand, for the gender of the female persuasion however it’s a bit higher on the scale as obviously their needs are different, while the Gecko may not have the best toilets I have seen, they definitely are not the worst and from a ladies perspective the Baroness rates them 3 out of 10, which the Baroness says is very generous…………  “Just wait till the Scribe sees them”.

With regards food, there is a pub menu that offers the normal pub fare at ridiculous prices, you can get a burger and chips for R20 a toasted cheese and tomato for R10 and they also do baskets at R25. I know what you’re thinking because the same thought crossed my mind; “Do they know its 2015”. I mean when was the last time you saw a toasted sandwich being sold for R10.00?  The only drawback in my mind is that you can only order food from 10am to 5pm. So if you’re out later at night and you feel a bit peckish then you have to find food somewhere else, having not eaten at the B G,  I can’t tell if it’s in fact any good but the regulars seem to agree that its great value for money..

So next time you go to Richmond Hill for a night out or you’re feeling adventurous and looking for a new venue to have a couple of drinks at, do yourself a favour and pay the B G a visit, savour the ambiance, have a cold one and say hi to Steve and Shane, and who knows you may even bump into the Baroness and I and if you’re really lucky you will get to see M-net in action.  Oh and ask Shane to make you a Gecko baby, its lekker.  

On a scale of 1-10 on the Tequila Spidermen's scale of Lekkerness we give the Barking Gecko an 8.5

66 Butterfield Road: Too old to rock and roll, too young to die

The Jester: With The Scribe and the Hangman being unavailable due to pressures of work or having to catch up on macramé or crocheting lessons, this review is only a half review with the Baroness, The Sword master and the Jester having showed up on the night in question.

Normally we would each concentrate on a specific area and put our thoughts down on paper, but I took an executive decision and thought that it would be more fun  to write one review with each of us giving some input and me doing the writing.

I had absolutely no pre conceived ideas as to what 66 Butterfield (Butterfield road Kragga Kamma) would offer when the Baroness and I were told about the evening while on a “scouting mission” for the Blog a couple of weeks ago. Two 2 gents “One looking a lot like “Ozzy Osborne” holding up the bar at the Chelsea pub at what I presume used to be the Greenbushes’ hotel,  told us  that  there was to be  a killer rock show with a number of bands onstage at 66 Butterfield session on Friday 27 February. The Baroness and I looked at each other and almost in the same breath said, “Should we go”

I have to be honest I started to get a small smile on my lips when we pulled in the driveway of the venue, the long grass and overgrown flower beds had me thinking that I may have found a dive, but it was only when we walked through the front door to pay the R50 cover charge to the lady sitting at an old school desk that my eyes lit up like Jacob Zuma winning another 5 years in power. “It’s a dive” and I am the one person amongst the 5 contributors to the Blog who absolutely and unequivocally loves dives. 66 Butterfield is not just any old dive this establishment is at present on the top 5 of my PE dive list.       

66 Butterfield may not be everyone’s cup of tea but it fits a good number of  the following criteria that I have for a watering hole.

1)    Looks a little or a lot run down

2)    Bar décor or lack thereof

3)    There is a certain smell about the place

4)    Do you need a tetanus shot after visiting the toilets?

5)    Drinks are reasonably priced

6)    Total disregard for smoking laws

7)    A barman that remembers your drink and is attentive if you have been before.  Or makes you feel like you have been there before, even though it’s your first visit

8)    Probably would not like to see the place during the day

9)    Has a history.

10) Has an eccentric owner/s

11) Have even weirder customers. 

12) You feel at home.

13) Should you have police on speed dial?

So as we walked in the door to pay the entrance fee I got that whiff that told me that I may have found a place that I like. The décor is basic and with a permanent stage set up its evident that there has been many a good night of music at 66 Butterfield road, this probably explained why the walls were adorned with the rock posters on , LP covers stuck on the ceiling as well as old vinyl adoring doors and walls. Seating is basic with wooden benches set up in a cavern like space with some seating on mezzanine area where the bar is situated just to the side that is raided up from the stage area/dance floor. I see that there is also a big indoor braai facility that I can imagine is lit during winters to give the venue a cave like atmosphere. I don’t think many of the patrons can read because even though there are numerous signs on the walls saying “Absolutely no smoking in this building” it looked like a steam train had just pulled into the station. So if you don’t like cigarette smoke or people smoking indoors then don’t go. You have been warned.   

Toilet facilities are primitive to say the least as well as not being well signed, the Baroness thought she was in the gents at one stage and if the Scribe had of been in attendance that night I doubt if she would have been impressed, so be warned, take a tetanus shot with you. 

You always know a place is “homely” when there is a menagerie milling around and  66 Butterfield is no exception with a German shepherd, a Jack Russell, a pavement special and a cat roaming the premises. All of them making sure they come and say hi, just to let you know who in fact runs the place.

The night of the review the crowd was diverse with a good number band members  of the various bands in attendance who would take the stage that night. The Baroness and I managed to see 3 bands perform before we had to go a search and rescue mission at a “Chunder Monkey” party at a venue on Cape road, but that’s another story for another time.

While I for the life of me can’t remember the name of the first band whose average age was probably 65 the other two bands where called the Tomboys with the one dude who was rocking the Bass guitar being at least 70 and Project 66 respectively. The sound of the first band was not great but have to say the Tomboys had me tapping my feet and singing along to Status Quo, ACDC and other 70s and 80s classic hits, In fact the Baroness and I joined a few of the locals, some who could have been at Woodstock on the dance floor to bust some moves. Project 66 also played well with a highlight for me being a rendition of Guns and Roses, “Sweet child of mine”    

We did not eat so I cannot say what the food is or is not like but I can tell you that to pay R56 for a Castle Lite quart, a Windhoek draught and a single bells and water makes my wallet smile. So I am going to assume that the food is equally well priced as regards the bar, they stock most of the popular brands of beer and spirits but for those Miller drinkers among us you will have to choose something else.

I can’t wait to go back and experience a “uninterrupted evening” of classic rock, with new shows being scheduled for March and this time we may even get adventurous and order some food. Oh take cash as they don’t have card facilities and it’s a long way from a ATM. On the Tequila Spiderman scale of Lekkerness we give 66 Butterfield a 6.6